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| So this past couple of weeks, I realized I have nothing left. This pretty much concludes my summertime.
Summer? It was the best one I've ever had. I asked for a life changing one, and boy has it been one.
The first real event I had was my tenure with my best friend Justin teaching music at his church's VBS and just volunteering there in general. It was fun, entertaining the kids and maybe even "teaching" them something. Met a cool kid Gustavo who is a very big handful. One of my favorite memories was walking into a classroom on my third day and having a kid look up, say my name, and run over to give me a hug.
The next leg was we my dad's side of the family and our reunion at Biloxi, Mississippi, mainly to celebrate my Grandmas 80th birthday, and well, like all filipinos, to gamble. It was fun, even for me since I was not of the legal age yet. Relaxing, pool, the night life, catching up with relatives and the younger cousins. Once again I was reminded of the high expectations my family has for me in school. I found out a lot of stuff that I didn't know back then. I learned about the history between my grandparents. And once again it was never a vacation without a heated argument...
As soon as we got back home, the next leg with my mom's side started. My two cousins from California came over to visit. A lot more fun probably because they were both about a year or so age difference from me. All the cousins hung out and had fun going to clubs, bars, shows, and the water park. I was surprised that California didn't have a water-park (if you didn't count like two rides from Disney). This past year my cousin's from my mom's side and I have bonded a lot. Before my Lolo passed in the spring, I only remember seeing them once, and that was when I was like 10 or something. During that week, that whole side of the family bonded together. It was just one of those times where you really appreciate things.
The one thing that really was reiterated in me (besides the do good in school bullcrap and have a lot of sons) was that, when all else comes to end, there's always family. Through all the tough times around family and even within family, it boils down to really loving each other no matter what. Why? Because you're family; flesh and blood.
But after all the fun and happy times, we all came home to realize a true struggle. Times are harder than ever for us financially after my mom was laid off from her job. Even after compensation, according to her, we're safe up until August 15th. The other day my mom told me that we might have to sell me car. I blame myself for not getting a job over the summer, but I'm telling you, this upcoming semester, I am going to be on my grind. I will work, I will get A's, I have to. There's really no other option for me.
A friend of mine suggested that after we all graduate college that we get a house together and live. I told him to call me again in six years and that if I don't have a significant other by then, that I'm totally in.
This summer, rather, this year has taught me that it's okay to plan ahead, to plan way ahead, but always have everything in hindsight and to always be realistic.
Sorry this was such a lame "comeback" to Xanga.
As for tomorrow, I'm gonna head out to Austin with one of my closest friends to pick up a video game.
Yes you heard me right.
Once again, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these things. You may not know it, but it means a lot to me. | | |
| I don't want to do any of what I'm currently doing. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to live at home.
A lot of me really just wants to leave all this shit and just live an average life. Get an average job that will get me nowhere, but be able to just live on my own. Work in the day, and do all my hobbies at night. I'd rather be a good at everything than great at one thing. That way, I wouldn't contribute anything to the world, nor will I prohibit anything. The world can't work with everyone being good at everything. The world works because of people specializing. That is why everyone has a goal or dream. People want to be doctors, lawyers, veterinarians, dancers, etc. I don't want to be anything. I just want to be a guy who goes to a job that he doesn't like nor hate, come home to a somewhat messy apartment, sit back, relax, watch television, continue a hobby that I never finish but it's just something to keep me occupied, go out at night and hang out with friends, and come back and knock out only to do the same routine the next day.
Sure a giant mansion, tons of cars, and bags of money sound good, but that's not in my mindset. | | |
| Today my mom just got laid off from her job, after eleven years of service, because her position was terminated. She was the only one to get laid off, they claimed there was no other available position for her to be transfered. It's something that you never would've thought could happen to you. And as if it wasn't hard times enough, my family is already living paycheck to paycheck, especially since my dad was forced into retirement.
We'll see where things take us. | | |
| [1232]
Did you miss me, bitches?
I don't know. I kinda stopped writing here. It's been 46 days since my last entry.
I guess it's because I don't feel like my life is worth sharing anymore, or maybe it's because there is too damn much to share? After my Grandpa passed, I've changed, looked at things a lot different. It hit me that I had to really truly cherish all the time I have with the people in my life. I've gotten to know my mom's side of the family so much now. I've fulfilled some things I've wanted to do, but so many things remain unchecked on my list. This is what I believe life is about, checking off these things one by one.
After my finals, a new chapter is going to begin.
I have so many plans for this summer, and I really believe that it is going to be the best one I've had so far. I know I'm going to pull through. I'm also looking forward to my second year in college. Buckle down for real. I need to because so many people have invested so much for me to be at this point, and I have already felt that I have failed them. Believe me, that is the worst feeling in the world. I know I'm going to pull through
A new chapter. New. New, I like that word.
I guess this break from Xanga has allowed me to reorganize my thoughts.
This is my 1232th entry. A member for 2554 days.
I hope I've contributed to this community. I hope that I've at least touched one person on some sort of higher level with my writing.
I feel good. I feel great. Life? It's at one of it's peaks right about now.
Singing sad songs don't work, so I changed tunes.
I won't hold my breath and wait for things to change. | | |
| Spring break was suppose to serve me well. Turns out that it did, but in a way I didn't expect.
It abruptly changed on Monday when my mother received news that my grandpa was hospitalized, after which much back and forth talk between her and her siblings began. The result? My sisters, dad, and I leave Tuesday afternoon and drive to New York while my mother flew. We drove all through the night and stopped in Virginia. By the time we got to New York, my grandpa was transported to a hospice. I got to see him, in such a shocking and horrifying state. I just vaguely remember the last time I saw him, which had to be at least 12+ years ago. I won't go into detail about anything, it still sucks just to think about it. He passed away on Friday. Services were on Sunday. The eulogies brought tears to my eyes.
I was glad to see my mom's side of the family though since I rarely ever, piratically, never get to see them.
Ahhh whatever I don't feel like talking about it anymore...
When I did get back to Austin on Tuesday, I just felt, like nothing. It was truly one of the times I felt depressed, like my heart was full of just lead weights, and I had this feeling in my stomach, not a sick feeling, just of sulky heaviness.
Life is just... I don't know...
I just have to keep on keeping on.
The good times will come, and so will the bad. Cherish and learn from them both. | | |
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